Reliving the Jr. High Dream

I think it is safe to say that my 7th grade year was by far the most awkward year of my life. The pictures below attest to the fact. I was convinced I was the best hair stylist around, I loved my bangs, I hadn't yet discovered cross country, and my favorite shirt was a hand-me-down-oversized-boy shirt. However, the best part was that I was 99.9% unaware of my awkwardness. I really liked myself, which I think is good. It makes for some good laughs now though, since there isn't too much emotional damage associated with the awkward. 

my favorite shirt with accessories

Mary, Benny, Becca, Emma

It is my fifth week teaching Jr. High, and I am slowly devolving back to what I was like in 7th grade. I don't know quite how to put it--I'm reliving my adolescence? The first thing that leads me to this conclusion is the fact that I've been breaking out with acne almost worse than I ever had as a teenager. Not fair.

The second experience I had this week that would lead me to this conclusion is way more exciting than acne. Perhaps the most unfortunate/iconic experience I had when I was a student in Jr. High was throwing my retainer away during lunch and having to dig through all the giant black trash bags full of gross, soggy, lunch remains to find it. You can read about that story here, if you are interested. I never got to experience the throwing up in class, or having "girl problems" though, luckily. However, the fates decided to catch up with me on Monday. On Saturday I started feeling under the weather. By Sunday night I had developed a nice cough/runny nose thing. By Monday morning I was just feeling sick. I ate a tiny bit of cereal for breakfast, and for lunch I wasn't hungry at all. All of the teachers at my school go to the faculty lounge to eat their lunches. On this day, however, I decided to turn off my lights, lock the door, and pretend to go to the lounge. Instead I went to the corner behind my desk and lay down, trying to get rid of my upset stomach. This didn't work, so I gave up and went to the faculty lounge to nibble on an apple and get some water. After lunch my class was having their weekly silent reading period, and I was passing back papers. I really, really did not feel well, so I went to my desk and sat, trying so hard not to put my head down, and keep my teacher cool. However, my stomach had other plans. I could feel the signs of throw up coming on, so I quickly stood and started moving towards the door. Just as I stepped outside of the classroom I totally lost my apple. Luckily, I made it to the garbage can, and the door to my classroom was closed. The kids would have had a heyday had I not. I stayed out there for a few minutes, trying to compose myself. When I went back in I was greeted by my 7th grade class staring worriedly at me. One student said, "What were you doing out there? Were you looking for something in the garbage can?" I said, rather sarcastically, "Ya, of course! I was dumpster diving in the middle of class. Just for kicks." I then clarified, "Let's just say I don't feel very well. You might have a sub tomorrow..."

So there you have it. My almost embarrassing pre-teen moment. I never had that experiencing of throwing up in public during those oh so important, formative years, so I guess it was something that was bound to catch up to me.

In case you are worried, I took the day off yesterday and am feeling much better today.

The Biggest Month of My Life

I do think it is safe to say that the past 4-5 weeks or so have been the most eventful of my entire life in many regards. A lot of pretty rad changes have taken place including but not limited to:

• My time working at the Harold B. Lee Library after three years came to a close. It was the best on-campus job I could have ever asked for. It was an excellent people watching position, I could work on my homework, and I really did learn a lot that will help me for the rest of my life in the researching aspect of things. 
• My time as a real life teacher has begun. Yes, real life. Not a student teacher, but an intern. This means that I have my very own classroom with my very own real-live students in it. I teach 7th grade English and Language Arts and 9th grade English. It has been full of ups and downs so far, but I am learning a lot from my face-plant mistakes that happen daily. Perhaps one of the most obvious lessons I have learned is that the behavior of a class depends mostly on the quality of your lesson plans, and the relevancy of the content you are teaching. It has less to do with the actual students themselves. I had fun setting up my classroom this summer, although it is pretty sparsely decorated, it is nice enough. I will continue to add to it as the year goes on. This next week my 7th graders are doing an elements of fiction unit, and my 9th graders are starting Romeo and Juliet. ak. We'll see how that goes!
• I learned via my 7th graders that Facebook is no longer a cool thing. I was explaining their independent reading assignment to them, stating the stipulation that they can read pretty much anything, as long as they are reading, except for things like Facebook and Twitter. They just gave me blank stares as I said this. I asked who used Facebook, by a raise of hands, and one girl said, "No one really uses that anymore. It's all about Instagram now." Well. I suppose I'm not up to date as I thought I was. It seems like just yesterday that I was in middle school, but I suppose it was much longer than that...
• I got married! As far as the actual wedding festivities go, I couldn't have asked for anything better. It was perfect. It was perfect for us to have the reception the night before, because it really took the pressure and stress off of the actual wedding day. This made for a really relaxed wedding day where we could really just focus on the sealing. This, of course, is the biggest and most important event. It is hard to believe I am actually married, because I thought it should feel more different than this. The weird part about the whole thing is how not weird it has been. I love it though. Mostly I love Andrew, and getting to be his wife. 
• We moved! I love our cute little duplex from the 40s with it's up until recently painted-shut windows, its creaky old wood floors, and strange cupboards that we keep discovering in random places. I love that we have our own space. After 6 years of living with roommates it is nice to have only one--and one that I actually got to choose! Being the control freak that I am, it is so nice to finally be really in control of the state of our house--with Andrew of course. I just mean for once everything belongs to us rather than random stuff from random people clogging up your Feng-Shui. In summary, so far being married is great. It certainly is an adjustment, but a great one that I am happy to make.
• Well, those are probably the biggest things. Some little things I feel like mentioning are: I have kind of stopped running which makes me sad. I have yet to find the new balance between my new responsibilities. This is my goal next week. Andrew starts his last semester of college on Tuesday which means a lot of excitement. We are almost done watching season 5 of Boy Meets World on Youtube (we started on season 3...) 
• That's pretty much everything!

20 things about 24

Well, it would appear that I am another year older, and wiser too. Here are some of the great things that happened during the past year of my life, or things that I learned:

1. I met, dated, and decided to marry the coolest man alive.
2. I finished the teaching program, completing my 6th year of college.
3. I landed an internship to teach 7th and 9th grade English.
4. I ran a marathon.
5. I learned that I probably won't ever run a marathon again.
6. I had kidney stones.
7. I journeyed to Idaho 7 times.
8. I read over 30 books.
9. I started pseudo-budgeting for the first time. (baby steps)
10. I am still the most picky eater in my immediate family, but my mom still loves me for it. My favorite foods are still Pizza and Ice Cream. My love for pizza has especially continued to grow over this year.
11. I learned that Diet Coke and other similar drinks actually work to dehydrate you, rather than hydrate. Sad. 
12. I learned how to really drive a stick shift. I sort of knew before this, but it is completely natural now.
13. I learned more about politics than ever before. I participated in the presidential election as an educated voter.
14. I learned that Cheese Its really are superior to Cheese Nips, thanks to a side-by-side blind taste test.
15. I learned that Banana Republic gives a teacher discount!
16. I learned that when you put God first in your life, you are happier, and things work better. 
17. I learned that broken hearts can be healed, 100% through Jesus Christ.
18. I learned that daily scripture study really does bring power and peace to life.
19. I learned that exercising regularly really does help me in all aspects of my life. 
20. I learned that no matter how old you get, Mom's are still the best. 

On being engaged

The other day Andrew and I were trying to come up with all the reasons why being engaged is so great, and all the things you can do when you're engaged that you can't do when you're married. This was in a noble effort to "enjoy the journey" of engaged life rather than wishing our time away.

Here is the list we came up with:

1. We still have separate finances, so spending is still an individual thing. This is fun.
2. If we have a fight at night or something, we still go home to different places, which allows us to have space to cool down and think things through. (This hasn't really happened, but if it does, what a blessing!)
3. We haven't been completely excluded from our single friends yet. 

That's all we've got so far. If you have any things we can add to the list, comment!

One of Those People

Up until this point in my life, I have been a social media minimalist. I do my fair share of stalking people on Facebook, but besides that, I'd say I'm pretty much nonexistent in the social media world. This is especially true when it comes to updating statuses. I just don't do it. If I do it is usually about cookies or Diet Coke. As I scroll through my FB news feed, I always have been one to roll my eyes at the countdown-to-wedding posts, or the baby poop updates that seem to dominate. Especially the baby poop ones. You'd be surprised how many people find it necessary to detail their child's digestive system on the World Wide Web. Anyway, back to the wedding countdowns, I have always mocked them a little bit in my head. I feel bad about this. Especially now that I have a better idea of what those people were going through at the time of their posting as I find myself 18 days away from marriage, and time has never gone by more slowly. I swear, it feels like August 3 will never come. But I see married people all around me for whom the day obviously arrived for, so I know that it will come for me too. I'm just thrilled that my future as Mrs. Bates is just around the corner, and thrilled we get to be together forever. f-o-r-e-v-e-r. 

In summary, I am becoming one of "those" people. Here I am, counting down where people can see how excited I am. Please forgive me if you find "those" people annoying!

Writer's Block/Phobia

For some strange reason I have been paralyzed with the fear of posting anything on the internet. I don't update my status on Facebook, I have never really used Twitter, I only had Instagram on my phone for two weeks back in December, and since it's birth in 2007 my blogging has come halting to a sporadic, irregular, and infrequent posting schedule. So in not knowing what to write to break this terrible spell, I decided I'll just write about not knowing what to write about and see what happens.

I suppose I could just write a general update of my life.

In the past six months, here are some of the things, exciting or not, that have happened:

• I finished the English teaching classes in one piece.
• I passed the Praxis with flying colors!
• I got engaged to my love, Andrew John Bates.
• I planned a wedding.
• My family and I did the Wasatch Back Ragnar, which was exciting.
• I went to Idaho a few times, once for the infamous Atkinder family reunion.
• I went hiking lots.
• I turned 24 years old.
• I read a bunch of books.
• I rearranged the furniture in my room, and started a countdown until the day when I no longer have to sleep on a bunk bed. I am 24 years old, and I sleep on a bunk bed! This troubles me, but there are only a few more weeks of this.
• I went to 7 Peaks once, and plan to go at least 5 more times before school starts back up.
• I got the keys to my new classroom, and a badge that says, "Mrs. Bates" on it. 
• I watched a season of Boy Meets World on Youtube with Andrew, who I swear has already seen every episode and always knows what's going to happen before it happens. 
• I spent way too much time at the library. 
• I went on a few adventures with Andrew--including hunting down a ghost town out past Eureka, Utah. We met a miner man there named Warren, and he was awesome. If you do a google image search for "miner man" or anything like that, I swear a picture of him comes up. He had a long white beard, old worn overalls, a hat, a truck, and leathery skin.It was a pleasure to make his acquaintance. 

Well, here goes my first effort to overcome my fear of social media! #yolo

To Do

Now that school is officially summer, there are many things I hope to accomplish.

• Go to Zion's National Park and camp and hike and star gaze
• Go to a beach somewhere. Anywhere...
• Read a lot of YA lit so that I am ready to enter the world of 7th graders.
• Join BYU's group of Juvenile and YA book reviewers 
• Hike up to as many of the peaks in Utah as possible
• Go swimming at least 3 times a week
• Plant a mini-garden on my balcony
• Get a teacher wardrobe
• Visit my family in Idaho as much as I can
• Get back into writing poetry
• Stop biting my nails
• Go on lots of bike rides (this may require me to get a bike)
• Find a reason to sing this song:

It's the end of the world, as I know it. And I feel fine(ish).

This is my last week of finals. Hopefully ever. Who knows what the future has in store for me, but I don't feel like I'll be heading back to do a graduate program any time in the near future. This marks the end of an era. My college era. These are the last finals I will take. The last essays I will make up. I would expect a greater feeling a relief to accompany such a momentous occasion  but I am not feeling any such thing. Perhaps it is because I still have 5 finals in between me and the end. Or perhaps it is because as a future teacher, I understand that my work will never really be done. There will always be a lesson or unit to be planned. There will always be papers to grade. There will always be deadlines. And then just when I think I've gotten things under control, life will change again, and I will start all over. Such is the circle of life though, eh?

This semester really has been great. I feel 100% more confident about being a teacher than I did when I first started my teaching classes (which doesn't mean that I am 100% confident  just 100% more confident, which may not add up, but math really isn't my forte.) I am excited to enter the world of public education once again, and excited to apply the things I have been taught, and the things I will discover, to the situations I will teach in. Perhaps the greatest lesson I have learned in the past year is that as a teacher, I am not teaching English, I am teaching people. People come first. If the subject matter is placed above the people, they are far less likely to learn. But when the focus is on the students and their individual needs, learning can happen. Relevance is one of the greatest tools available to helping students learn.

In other news, I went to the dentist today to have a cavity filled. It was my first time doing this without my mom there to help me be brave. I wasn't very brave, but at least I didn't bite, or cry, or pass out. I didn't smile at all either, and I wasn't particularly friendly, but I hope the dentist people understand. I was trying not to let anxiety overtake my body and cause me to convulse in the chair and foam (even more) at the mouth. For some reason, having people poking me with needles, drilling, clamping with giant pliers, and using other torture devices on my mouth has always been a source of great anxiety for me. I don't know if this is something I will ever overcome.

Bon Appetit!

This is what I had for dinner tonight! I got distracted, talking to my roommate in another room, while my grilled cheese was grilling away. Eventually, I remembered my sandwich and made a mad dash for the kitchen. Unfortunately, I was too late--my sandwich as already more grill than cheese. In my lazy stupor, I decided that trying to salvage it via scraping off the black (aka carcinogens) was more effort than it was worth. You see, this sandwich didn't even have butter. It was only bread and cheese, nothing special, and there wasn't any soup to dip it in or anything. So I settled on drowning out the smoke flavor with ketchup, just like my dad taught me. Frankly, it could have been worse. Perhaps the worst part of this was the demoralizing aspect of it. It is hard to picture a life beyond the college years, where dinner consists of more than one person, eating something from more than one food group, that requires more than a microwave or quick pan melting. I must confess, the longer I am in this world the lazier I get. Smith's had a sale last week on Wheat Thins--if you bought 5 boxes they were only $1.77 each! So of course, I bought 5. And of course, for several nights last week my dinner consisted mainly of Wheat Thins. You can do a lot with them, if you are creative enough. I've had Wheat Thin nachos before,dipped them in a large variety of condiments, and topped them with numerous fruits and vegetables. When used wisely, they can really be a nice staple to any meal!

Self-Psychotherapy Sessions

In class we had a writing prompt yesterday which encouraged us to record the methods we use to self-help, or unwind when we've been wound too tight. I really enjoyed writing these things down, so I figured I would repeat the prompt here. So without further ado, here are a few of my favorite things.

• A long, steamy shower. Usually when I'm home alone, so there won't be any roommates opening and closing my door letting cold drafts interrupt me. Take the time in getting ready doing those things I love but don't really have the time for every day. Shave my legs. Exfoliate. Take care of unsightly cuticles and stray eye brows. I just love to do everything as slowly and as painstakingly as I want.
• A new coat of nail polish on that wont chip within the first day.
• A lemon-fresh scented house, the spring sun pouring in through the open windows along with a fresh breeze, after I've taken the time to deep clean with high quality cleaners. I think that I may be the only one in my apartment currently who has ever invested in cleaning products, which is fine by me. I love the feeling of clean and germ free. 
• Spending quality time with the people I love. Whether this is in person, or on the phone, I love the luxury of talking with my loved ones about more than just the comings and goings of the day. This is especially true about the mom talks I get. Nothing beats a good talk with your mom.
• Lay out in the grass, and absorb as much vitamin D as is possible and safe. I love the sun. 
• Take the time to write in my journal, or some other creative space. The fastest path to peace for me is to make a list of things I am grateful for, or to try to recollect the ways that I've seen the hand of God in my life throughout the day.
• Go to a bookstore just for the thrill of being surrounded by so much potential. I love just browsing the isles, skimming titles and cover art for the sheer enjoyment of what I could read, and what I could learn, if I wanted to.
• Go to an art gallery by myself. It doesn't matter for how long. Usually I like to have a small notebook with me so that I can jot things down that float through my mind.
• A long run where I forget where I'm going, and eventually get lost and forget that I went on a run in the first place. I will never be a competitive runner because I get distracted by how beautiful it is outside, and I often just savor the time alone where I can walk and enjoy the fresh cut grass smell and the summer morning sun. My favorite runs are those that turn into even longer nature walks where I can just pour out everything I have been thinking and feeling to God, and listen for his response.
• Real opportunities to help other people, especially those who won't, or can't, ask for it themselves. I'm ever grateful for the opportunities I get to be in the right places at the right times to offer meaningful service to the people around me. 
• Listen to good music, loudly. Usually this means semi-obscure indie music that most people haven't heard of.

Sleep

Going along with the theme of yesterday's post, I accidentally slept most of today. I think my body was fighting off some bad bugs or something, because my sleep appetite was insatiable. Now it is only 10:46 pm and I feel like I could go to bed and sleep like a rock. I feel quite refreshed. I am grateful for sleep. Seriously. And for the impressive ability that I have to fall asleep any time, or any where. I also am cherishing these times when I am still a single entity without dependents who make sleeping a more precious commodity. I do look forward to the days when I have "dependents," but in the meantime there are many Z's to be enjoyed.

Cadbury

I accidentally bought a bag of mini Cadbury eggs today while I was picking up my prescriptions at the grocery store. Then to top it off, I accidentally opened the bag and started eating its contents within the first 10 minutes of being home. I also accidentally took the bag with me to the library in my backpack for my evening study session. I'm probably addicted. But when Easter only comes once a year, how can I resist?

My family Easter traditions are pretty special to me. What happens is the Monday following Easter, my mom gives us each $5 and sends us to Walmart to buy the discounted candy for ourselves. It's pretty magical if you ask me. Practicality always wins in the Carlisle family.

The Joys of Winco

Yesterday I had a routine Dr.'s appointment up north. On my way home I decided I should stop by at Winco, because it was on the way and is normally too far for me to justify going. I've heard magical things about Winco. My expectations were met and exceeded. It was like Disneyland grocery shopping (at least what I imagine, since I've never been to Disneyland and therefore can not really understand the joys that it offers). Everything seemed to be a dollar cheaper than it was at my usual neighborhood grocers. I made some very economical purchases that should feed me for at least the next 1.5 weeks. However, I accidentally bought a bag of over 100 chicken nuggets that I probably could have done without. And a bag of crinkle fries that just happened to be marketed right next to the nuggets... It's probably a good thing though because I think I may accidentally become a vegetarian if I don't start adding poultry (ie. chicken nuggets) into my diet again. I've noticed that the more that time passes and the older I get, the more meat I don't consume. For the past two times that I've been to restaurants (minus Cafe Rio), I've ordered the vegetarian sandwiches, just because. Anyway, thanks Winco!

Throwback Poetry Friday

Here is my contribution to poetry Thursday:

Even in this prolonged dampness

of hades’ bitter winter.

I’d trade

a future of feeling of sun warmed skin

the smell of sunscreen mixed with fresh cut grass

warm nights and star gazing

backyard barbecues

thrills of new places and faces

finding sand in my pockets

after days and nights on the beach--

if it meant one more

day

with you.

I've decided that I like making mash ups of blog trends. So today is not only poetry Friday  but it is also throwback poetry Friday. So here is a throwback poem that I wrote once.

we found the ring on Portabello

sterling silver, arms wrapped

around the amber stone, green

with tiny ribbons of gold

worn on the left hand fourth finger

as a joke.

we got lost

in pashminas and galoshes

our noses pink and running

hand in hand

escaping with the light of day

too fast.

The gap is to be minded

and later will be mended

as the cloud people

come down to play

but we brush them away

umbrellas raised to the sky

blocking all friendly advances.

we is me and a daydream,

pulling at the strings

of my heart-shaped kite

with the tail dripping down

red.

7 Quick Takes

I'm joining Dana who was joining Jen for 7 quick takes Friday, but I'm doing it on Wednesday, just because. I've kind of slipped off the writing wagon, but this is my attempt to saddle back on. I'm going to follow Dana's lead on this though--these are going to be quick quick takes.

1. I slept through my alarm today, but thankfully my dear sister Emma called me at 8:00 am just to chat, which woke me up in time to get to work on time. How is it that I went to bed at 11:00 pm, woke up at 8:00 am, and I'm still fighting back sleep here at work?

2. I am in love with Cutie Oranges. They were on sale at Macey's last week, and I've almost gone through the whole bag since. Well, I think I have. There is no telling how many of them have secretly been eaten by my roommates, which is perfectly fine by me. Who knows how many of their Cuties I've eaten in the past.

3. Today is a lamb eating a lion day. It is supposed to be almost sixty degrees outside, yet the sky is dark and scary looking. And so begins the touch and go season of spring. I am just counting on the fact that at some point during the next few months there will be snow covering the emerging tulips.

4. I finally went to the dentist. I found the dentist all by myself, made the appointment, and drove myself there. I think this is a coming of age moment for me. In the past I have hated going to the dentist. Hated hated hated. But it really wasn't too bad. We'll see how I feel after they replace a filling in a few weeks though...

5. There is less than a month of school left. This means that there is less than a month left of me taking classes and being an ordinary BYU student. I can't really even comprehend the meaning of this, but I am sure that come my last final on April 20 something, it will be a day of much rejoicing in the land.

6. Through the course of my life, am constantly being reminded of my obsession with cookies. In my mind there is no better breakfast than one that includes a cookie or two. When offered, it is nearly impossible for me to refuse a good-looking cookie, unless it is oatmeal raisin. There is no worse trick to play on the world than to bake a batch of these things. I honestly don't see the point in a cookie without chocolate or peanut butter in some form or another.

7. I'm trying to start up my running career again. I've signed up for the Provo City 1/2 Marathon, which is May 4th, and I'm signed up to run the Wasatch Back Ragnar with my family again in June. I've realized that despite my long history of whining about running, I actually do like it. Why else would I come back to it year after year? I don't think that marathon running is really something for me, but I think I can do 1/2 marathons every now and again. Running is fun. Especially in the sun. Or especially with a buddy.

My Mother

All growing up there were things I swore I'd never do that I saw my mom do on occasion: drink diet coke, cuss, and always rinse my dishes. As I've gotten older I've found it funny how I've slowly started to see more and more of my mom in me. Although it has surprised me, I have loved it, and there isn't a better lady on earth that I'd rather emulate. Both of us don't cuss much these days, I do love diet coke, and I believe strongly that dishes should always be rinsed right after you use them. 

What brought this up? We just got a new dishwasher in my apartment and for the first time we now have dishes that are actually clean when they are finished with the wash cycle. However, my roommates have always had a problem remembering to rinse their dishes. It is a little bit nasty sometimes. I just hear my mom's voice in my head when I discover these dishes. Today as I was reloading the dishes into the dishwasher, taking out the pots that surely have no chance at being cleaned without now soaking them for an extended period of time in hot, soapy water, I finally understood what the big deal was all growing up. I never understood it until now. All I can say is, Mom, I'm sorry for all the dishes I didn't rinse. I promise to do better now. 

Sunday, or Summer, Will Come!

Today was an ice cream day. Also, it was almost 70 degrees outside today, which made my heart feel so full of joy and gratitude. I think I pray a hundred more times when the weather is warm-- just because whenever I walk outside I can't help but offer up a quick prayer of gratitude for the sunshine. I went for a short run outside and loved every second of it. I feel inspired and motived to sign up for a ton of races for the summer. Today I also drove around town with the windows down and the radio blaring, just for good measure. I love that summer always follows winter.

Not to be dramatic or anything, but sometimes winter for me is like a depressing friday. Friday in this context was terrible because it was the day that Christ was crucified. But Sunday, or summer, always follows whatever terrible Friday or winter we find ourselves in. I am so grateful for this truth in my life.

It is on days like today that I can't help but to think about the talk given by Joseph B. Wirthlin in the October 2006 general conference, "Sunday Will Come." Friday in this context was terrible because it was the day that Christ was crucified, yet on Sunday, he was resurrected, and so his suffering was not in vain. I love this quote:

Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itselfseems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us inpieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we cannever be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sundaywill come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.

Not to be over dramatic or anything, but sometimes winter for me is like a depressing friday for me. Or sometimes life in general just gets to a point where it almost seems too much to handle. But Sunday, or summer, always follows whatever terrible Friday or winter we find ourselves in. I am so grateful for this truth in my life. 

Things I carry

Here is a list of what is currently in my backpack:

• wallet, the one I got from Walmart for $5 in Kirtland, Ohio this summer. 
• phone, and a little cloth to clean the screen.
• keys, with my Smith's card, library card, and gym card attached to a lanyard that says, "Got Milk?", and a dream catcher key chain that my sister brought my from Ecuador. 
• laptop- his name is Theo, and he's about 6.5 years old. He's on his last leg of life, his third battery, and he kind of moves slowly. I just brought him today in case I couldn't find a free computer to work on my paper. 
• charger- also the third charger. They seem to burn out rather quickly. 
• notebook- this is my notebook for taking notes in my teaching writing, and my teaching reading classes. It also has book orders in it, and a lot of other pretty colored hand outs. Usually my professors color coordinate assignments, which really adds spice to life.
• writer's notebook- this is for my grammar class. I decorated it with newspaper clippings. In it can be found jottings which illustrate the extent of my grammar knowledge, which isn't much to look at.
• gum- Extra Polar Ice. I like gum.
• headphones
• lotion- I took this lotion from a hotel that my family stayed at over Christmas vacation. I'm sure it was complimentary...I can't stand having dry hands or static-y hair. A trick I've learned is to put lotion on your hands, rub it in most of the way, and then rub your hands gently on your hair. This is a short term fix to a static problem. 
• post-it notes- I always hope that I'll use them, but I never do. They usually end up crumbled at the bottom of my bag.
• water bottle- ever since the kidney stone incident of September '12, I've tried to stay hydrated.
• apple- I get super hungry on campus, and need small snacks to sustain me throughout the day.
• orange- " "
• i pod shuffle- this currently has my running mix on it. Too bad I haven't been running in two weeks...
• pencils
• pens
• a spoon- just in case.
• three different books about how to teach reading and writing, including assigned readings that are due today that I may, or may not, have read.
• many article pdfs- again, some read more than others.
• my  teacher badge
• a million other papers.
• my finished portfolio for my research paper!

Managing the Paper Load

So, for my Saturday I decided the most fun thing to do would be to write my research paper that is due on Tuesday! In the past I have really struggled with writing papers--mentally it is just something I can't seem to do until the very last second possible. But I'm really trying to turn over a new leaf and actually turn in some quality writing without upsetting my ulcers with leaving it all until the last possible three hours before it is due.

That being said, I'm writing my paper about ways that teachers, especially language arts teachers, can manage the potentially overwhelming amount of papers that cross their desk for grading. I've heard horror stories about how awful it is to teach English because of the endless supply of papers to grade. I don't want this to be me:

So all you veteran teachers out there, what ways have you found to manage your paper load so that you can still love your life and love teaching? SOS!!

High School Drama Factory

A few days ago my roommate who also happens to be one of my best friends from high school brought home a notebook that we'd had during our Jr. and Sr. year. I have absolutely no recollection of writing in this notebook, but apparently we passed it between friends, treating it kind of like a shared journal. It is so funny to look back and see what drama we created for ourselves during those "sweet sixteen" years. It is also very interesting to see that although we've all changed and matured a lot since high school, our personalities are still very much the same as they were.

Here is an excerpt from one of my favorite entries from Sept 22, 2006:

"...What else can I talk about? R u guys going to the bingham game? I think it will be exciting! Oh, I haven't really told you about homecoming yet. It was great fun! We ate good food and danced the night away. We left the dance early and changed our clothes and went bowling. I GOT AN ICE CREAM CONE! What more could I ask for? I am a horrible bowler. I bowled four straight frames of gutter balls. Mr. Sorenson (the vice principle) just told me to walk to school. Ya right. I would have to wake up at four in the morning. That would be fun. So, how is my penmanship? If you guys find any cute boys that want to be my Valentine give them my phone number!...I am sorry this is so boring. But I am bored. Pity me! Pity me! jk. don't."

Here's another gem:

"Dear Notebook friends,
This notebook has not been within my hand for a long period of time! I do hope it doesn't get lost again. I will probably cry. I think that when we graduate we should make copies of the book so we can remember our time of notebookism. Well, I guess I will catch you up on my life and the inner-workings of my mind...I broke up with my 7 boyfriends last week after they found out about each other. Let's just say we were in a bit of an awkward tangle..ha. jk. That's the opposite of my life. I'm holding out for college. Where to go, where to go..."

Let's just not talk about how much I edited these excerpts for spelling...

Here is a page. Notice the all caps obsession with ice cream. Some things never change. 

Adventures from 7th Grade

I taught 7th grade again today. This was my 4th time pretending to be a teacher and I think it went alright. It is, however, one of the most awkward experiences to go into another teachers classroom and take over her lesson plans/ classroom management. It is experiences like these I'm having during my practicum that make me overjoyed that I'm skipping student teaching in favor of doing the year long internship. However, despite the slight awkwardness and mind-reading that comes along with these practicum experiences it is still great practice, and occasionally I have moments where I'm reminded of why I wanted to be a teacher. Honestly I can't pin-point anything specific that happened in today's class that would cause these kinds of feelings, but I enjoyed the feeling of being in front of the class and was excited envisioning a classroom of my own.

Today we talked about how we identify mood in literature and film. They first wrote in their writer's notebooks about a time when they knew their mom was mad, and what clues there were to let them know their mom was in a bad mood. I didn't really consider the prompt and its implications fully until I heard the students' side comments to one another about it: "She beats me." or "She sounds like the devil." Oops. I opened a can of worms that I wasn't anticipating there. However, the prompt did get them writing! Everyone seemed to have a lot to say about the topic. In the future, I think I'll choose a less loaded or less specifically loaded question that didn't have the potential to be a diss to the students' mothers. I think keeping the moms on my side as a teacher is probably a good idea, and feeding the natural adolescent tendency to take issue with their mothers isn't really necessary or wise.

Registration

I had a mini adventure today. My mom came down to Ogden for a Latinos in Action conference. She was trying to convince me to drive up to see her, which I just couldn't justify, until I had a brilliant idea. My car registration expired in October. Last week the cops caught up with me and I received a lovely yellow ticket under my windshield wiper because of my expired registration. I informed my dad of this situation, and his response was that I should just register it in Utah. I pointed out the error in this thinking--there is no way in this life or the next that my car could ever pass inspection (the odometer and the speedometer are both out of order). So I made a deal with my mom: I told her that if she would register my car and bring me new stickers to put on my license plates so I wouldn't get anymore tickets, I would come visit. Apparently she pulled some strings, because I made this bargain with her yesterday afternoon only an hour before she was due to leave Idaho for Utah on a giant bus filled with high school students. So today I skipped school and drove up to Ogden. It was a treat to get to see a lot of my cousins in addition to my madre.

To summarize and make a long story short: I now have a registered car and I got a hug from my mom and sister today! Best. Day. Ever.

Lamb or Lion

I remember in elementary school we would talk about the weather each day, especially throughout the month of March. During March we would classify each day as a "lamb" or a "lion" day, depending on the temperament of the weather. It seems that in Utah and Idaho Mother Nature uses this month to make up her mind about allowing spring to come. Some days she feels good about it, others she's just not ready to let winter go. Today was a lovely day--a lamb day in every way. I didn't even wear a jacket to school, and I didn't even regret my decision until walking home with the sun setting.

Every time that I sit down to write, I seem to end up talking about the weather in some way. I apologize for the redundancy, but apparently the weather is something I'm passionate about.

Photo Love

Photo by Zatnaktel

I stumbled upon this photo today, and fell in love.

Six Word Sunday Memoir

Imagining it's spring: still just imagining.

Happy Things

Here are some things that make me happy:

1. Quiet Sunday mornings
2. Milk chocolate chips
3. Long socks
4. My friends
5. Phone calls from my family
6. Hot showers
7. Naps
8. Clean sheets
9. Naps
10. Naps

This is the extent of my writing abilities today.

Saturday Mornings

Saturday mornings in the library are quite serene. There are only a handful of people here for-who-knows-what-at-this-hour. I wonder if they just have a lot to accomplish today and want a head start, or if they have a test that today is the last day to take, or if they just didn't have a very exciting Friday night that would cause them to want to sleep in. Or maybe they just have a good work ethic or something like that and I could learn from them...Working at the reference desk isn't bad Saturday mornings though because really, people don't come seeking more than to check out dry erase markers before 10 am.

As a young girl Saturday mornings were my absolute favorite. I would wake up early and go in to my still sleeping parents room over to my dad, shaking him slightly, asking in my almost whiny little voice, "Daddy, can I watch cartoons?" Usually the answer was yes, and I would then ask if I could also have cereal in a cup.  After receiving his blessing I'd go wake up my younger sister, who would sleepily come join me. We loved to watch our favorite shows with the luxury of dry cereal in a cup, not bowl. We felt quite special and grown up.

There is something magical about this time--when Saturday's weren't filled with work, or homework, or other obligations. The most pressing thing on our agenda was to be able to get to play with our friends at some point during the day. There was no guilt associated with using time to just sit and indulge in watching cartoons, that we weren't doing something else that was more pressing or important. It was just two little girls, awake with the sun, living completely in the moment, enthralled with the simple pleasures of life.

Slice of Life Challenge

There is a neat blog entitled: Two Writing Teachers, that was referred to me by my own writing teacher. It is a blog about teaching writing as well as continuing to develop yourself as a writer. They have a challenge to write every day during the month of March called the "Slice of Life Challenge". You don't have to write anything profound, you just have to write every day and post it on your blog. My understanding is whole idea is that if you are writing daily you'll be more observant of the little things in life that you have to write about. They explain it a lot better here, if you are interested. The moral of this story is that I've accepted the challenge, and will proceed to attempt to transcribe a small slice of my life here daily for the remainder of this month. Feel free to join me in the challenge!

It has been a long time since I have been consistent in writing. Ever since my poetry class that required me to write for an hour a day I kind of lost the drive to write, which is sad. I love the feeling of having something that I feel is significant enough to attempt to capture with words. I love the way that writing makes me look at the world through a different lens--a lens that is much more grateful and finds much more beauty in the world. I miss my writing self and my writing eyes. I know that the best way to want to write, is to write, and the best way to become a better writer, is to write. Knowing these things I'm going to make the assumption that the best way to learn to teach students to love writing, is to love writing yourself. Since I'll start my first year of teaching 7th grade this fall, I want to sharpen my skills and my passion as much as I can now, while I've got the time.

Today

The snow today has inspired me to write this poem:

Sun on its way
to another side--
painting
fruit cocktail in the sky
as a salutation to the moon.
Side by side, boy and girl,
wishing the couch
was a porch swing and the sun's
rays were warm,
melting ice in lemonade, not
reflecting off the dingy snow
entering the room through slats of
dusty blinds.

Cleaning Out the Fridge

Yesterday my roommate Jenny and I went to the grocery store returning with the usual number of plastic bags filled with food. When we went to put the groceries away, however, it was apparent that we should probably clean out our fridge before adding to the mess. We began by throwing away everything that used to be produce, and consolidating the condiments that could be consolidated. We ended up throwing away two huge garbage bags full of food. There were things that we found from roommates who haven't lived with us for at least a year...which is quite scary. When we were taking the trash to the dumpster, one of the bags split emitting some really disgusting black goo that dripped all the way down our stairwell. Oops. Within the fridge we pulled out all the shelves and drawers and wiped everything down, doing a job that our mothers would be proud of.

Now, the logic here doesn't make sense. We went to the store because we were convinced we had no food, yet our fridge was full. Such is the college life I suppose. When sharing a fridge there is a lot of food that gets lost, just like socks eaten by a drier, except the food just sits there and becomes unrecognizable as food. By this point there is no way to tell who it belongs to, and so it just sits until a brave soul discovers it and introduces it to the garbage can.

I am honestly quite excited for the day when I'll be able to identify all the food in my fridge, because it will be my very own fridge. I'm excited for the day when I don't have to write my name on all my food. Let's be honest, I can wait until I have a grown up kitchen with matching dishes and silverware and appliances that are worth more than five dollars. In the meantime, at least my fridge is clean, and there shouldn't be anything strange growing in it for at least a week.

Writing

This is from one of my teaching books. In learning how to teach writing it seems that my own lack of writing skills is being magnified and my own motivation for writing has been on the decline lately. I thought that maybe it was just that I had nothing to say until I discovered this quote, which then made me reconsider the reasoning behind my creative decline.  


“The way you select words and organize them into whole compositions depends on the way you see human experience. If you literally do not see anything, you will of course have nothing to say....Everything here aims at the expression of meaning in the most effective possible way, and this “meaning,” this result of observation, must always include the PARTICULAR, the SPECIFIC, the DETAIL.” pg. 9, Stop, Look, and Write,  by Hart Day Leavitt and David A. Sohn

Slice of Life

This morning I had my first experience as a teacher figure as a substitute teacher of sorts. I was supposed to just meet with my the teacher I'm assigned to do my practicum with but she was gone today, so she sent me her substitute plans so I could play teacher for a day. It was a little awkward because there was a real substitute assigned to the class with me, so we kind of taught the class together. Kind of...

The first class was really talkative and rambunctious. It was hard to classroom manage them. I had terrible flashbacks to my own middle school/high school days where I honestly say that I never liked having a substitute teacher. They drove me nuts. I also never liked the student teachers. Karma? Maybe. I could tell that the kids didn't really like the idea of their teacher being gone any more than I did, but I still had fun. At one point during the class a girl asked me how old I am. I told her to guess. To my surprise she guessed right the first time! 23. That is a hard one to guess I think. I didn't confirm or deny their guesses. I told them I was 45 though and they were totally shocked for a second until I started chuckling.

In summary I learned two important things:

1. 7th graders are funny. I was laughing a lot, not even at them, but with them sometimes.
2. 7th graders are gullible, and this is probably something to be careful with as well as something to have fun with.

This experience also made me excited to teach my own class and my own lessons one day.

Perspective

Sometimes there are moments in life when you slow down enough so that God has a chance to tell you things you need to hear. Today is one of those days. I'm at work and there are hardly any people here in the library and it is silent. It has been a great chance to think and read. I read a talk by President Eyring from way back when called, "A Child of God". He talks about the importance of realize who we really are and how knowledge that we are children of God should dictate the way we live our lives and continually seek learning. I highly recommend reading it, whether or not you're a student.

One particular part that stood out to me was the story of his mother's death. Eyring explains: "She died after a decade of suffering with cancer. At her funeral President Kimball said something like this: "Some of you may wonder what great sins Mildred committed to explain her having to endure such suffering. It had nothing to do with sin. It was that her Heavenly Father wanted to polish her a little more." -" A Child of God", Eyring, 2007 

I really appreciative this perspective. Lately there have been a lot of new challenges and changes introduced into my life most of which I feel totally inadequate and unequipped to handle. Especially this whole being a teacher business. I'm in all the classes that are supposed to be teaching me how to teach the language arts to adolescents while anticipating having my own class in the Fall secretly freaking out in each class not knowing how on earth I'm ever going to be qualified to do so. There is just so much to learn between now and then! It is easy to get discouraged and it is easy to get caught in the "I'll be happy when [fill in the blank] is over..." and it is easy to wonder about the purpose of hard things in life. However, until today I had forgotten that all these little challenges in life can be used to polish me into a better woman. There is purpose to the journey, not just the destination. I had forgotten that there is no time in my life that God can't use to help me move closer to my ultimate goal of coming back to him. Even when it might seem like I'm in the eternal-twenty-something-single-college-student-limbo-land he's working on me and where I am is perfect for right now. I'm grateful that God doesn't waste time like I do...

Girl On Fire

I just saw this music video today at the gym and I loved it. I love the lyrics contrasted with the housewife role she plays in the video. The end.

Slice of Life

When I walked to school this morning at 6:43 am it was only -2 degrees Fahrenheit outside. I just don't understand how the cold can squash out so much of my motivation to do anything at all. It takes all the strength I can muster to walk out the door. I have recently found myself obsessively checking the weather forecast not only for the next five days, but for the next five months, just so I know when to hope for bearable weather. I've also started drinking hot chocolate. The thing is, I really don't like hot chocolate. It makes me feel super nauseous and burns my tongue every time without fail. Yet I've found myself going out to buy it twice in the past week. I'm just worried that if winter doesn't leave soon I might accidentally drop out of school and move to Mexico, become addicted to hot drinks, forever have ice crystals on my nose hairs, or die due to a lack of vitamin D. #iliveforsummer

I love school.

This semester all of my classes are focused on how to teach English. This means that I just get to spend all day in class learning effective and interesting ways to teach content, which is uber fun. In my writing class yesterday we all wrote Six Word Memoirs, which you can see examples of here. The main idea is exactly what it sounds like, to write a personal memoir for yourself, using only six words. Each member of my class wrote one, and then my professor pasted our collective memoirs into this neat website, Tagxedo.com, which turns words into word clouds with the size of each word correlating to the number of times a word is mentioned in a particular passage or website. It was interesting to see what the class memoir would say. For those curious, my personal memoir was, "I dress from my socks, up."

I decided it would be interesting to make a Tagxedo cloud for my blog and see what writing topic trends or words I subscribe to. My number one word was "really". I'm not sure what to think about this. Here is my final product, after editing for typos and really boring words that I didn't think should count (you'll notice that "really" isn't there.)

Click to expand for the full effect. You know you want to.

Apparently according to this I am obsessed with the concept of time as shown by several of the words, and also the philosophical business of thinking and feeling and all that stuff.

In summary: I love* English, six word memoirs and cool things like Tagxedo.

*note, the things I love are not limited to this list

I can't resist.

I just can't help myself- I wanted to abstain from doing a typical "this is what I did this year" post, but here I go!

2012:

• Completed my 5th year of college, 4th year at BYU Gross. I also completed my minor in Business Management and started my teaching certification program.
• Successfully passed 3 kidney stones, involving my first hosiptal trip
• Ran my first Half-Marathon
• Finished my first (and possibly last) Marathon
• Visited or drove through Nevada, California, Idaho, Kentucky, Minnesota, Ohio, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, Tennessee and Missouri
• Worked 9 weeks straight of EFY and made some new really cool friends
• Earned the lowest grade that I've ever received. (B-) I was hoping for a C, just for the experience
• Participated as a Groomsman at my friend Bryan's wedding. I even wore a tie
• Married off 2 more roommates/best friends
• Joined my first intramural team. It was kickball, which is my second favorite sport
• Planned and helped to execute 12 ward break-the-fast functions, (not single-handed)
• Read 45 books (ish). My favorite for the year 2012 was The Book Theif.
• Orchestrated some neat parties with my roommates including one with gallons and gallons of homemade ice cream
• Arrived at my 23rd year of my mortal existence
• Developed self-discipline to have my nails painted without obsessively chipping all the paint off
• Learned how to knit
• Held 3-4 babies, and liked it.
• Tried snowboarding for the first time, got some gnarly bruises, but had a great time
• Acquired Steve, the 1990 Toyota Corolla with over 300,000 miles and no working odometer or speedometer, for the small price of buying Becca and Jamo Cafe Rio. They are the best.
• Discovered the joys of edamame
• Quit drinking (diet coke, most of the time)
• Joined the gym (again)
• Fell in love with Yogurtland, Passion Pit, riding bikes on the river trail, The Game of Things,  City Creek, uglier sweaters, extensive people watching, making pizza, and drinking water.

As far as New Year's resolutions are concerned, I evaluated the level to which I achieved last year's goals and concluded that for me, monthly goals are better. Or quarterly. I'm just not good at the whole year commitment thing I guess. So I've resolved to not really make resolutions this year except one: run two half marathons in the year 2013. Maybe I'll think of another attainable, relevant goal for the year but for now I'm going to zero in on making monthly goals.