Hello Blogging World! Big news, I had a baby! 5 months ago. His name is Luke and I am unhealthily obsessed with him. However, he takes pretty good naps now, which frees up a good 6 hours of my day. Cue reentrance into the world of blogging...
Anyway, having emerged from the sleep-deprived mess that is the first three months of motherhood, I have now entered an interesting place that I haven't heard a lot of moms talk about. I have asked a couple individuals if they have shared my experience, and only one other person felt the same way I do. However, I am sure I am not that unique or special in my feelings. Let me know how you feel...
Ever since I was a little girl I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom. Always. Even when I went to college, I had that ideal scenario in the back of my mind like a lot of Mormon girls do. On the other hand, my mom worked as a teacher pretty much the entire time I was growing up, so I knew that the possibility of me needing to help provide for my family was something that was very possible. I was fine with this and prepared for it in case that was what ended up happening. Fast forward to last year. Andrew and I did the math and decided that it would be more economical for us to have me stay home with Luke. So my greatest dream became a reality when Luke joined us in June.
I have been home with him for 5 months, and thoroughly enjoyed the time I've gotten to spend with him. I can't imagine it any other way, really. However, I have been going a little bit crazy at home. The crazy is what I wasn't prepared for. What no one told me was that being a mom can be boring! It isn't really fun to change diapers all the time! As much as you love your baby, you still need to seek mental stimulation and challenges in other areas or you might go crazy.
I think this phase of my life is a unique one, only having one kid to handle who is so well behaved, I have more free time than I ever have and ever probably will have for a long time. I have never been good at being proactive at filling up my time with good things. So I have compiled this list of ideas for ways to fight the boredom and keep progressing as a stay-at-home mom. I think it is so important to keep learning and growing, even if I am not in the workforce officially.
1. Say NO to social media.
It is so easy to fill up your spare time with hours of mindless browsing of social media. It is an easy way to feel connected to the world, and to feel like you are actually doing something with your time. However, it is a trap, and it is addictive! It is so easy to sit and compare yourself to all the other moms. Comparing is the fastest way to make yourself feel crappy. I am not saying social media is bad, but it needs to be used in moderation. In my experience, it is so easy to waste way too much time on it if you are at home with a sleeping baby. I am currently on a social media fast. I have been sober since Monday. My goal is to stay away from it at least until I get home from Thanksgiving break. I am hoping this step back will help me reinvent how I spend my free time, and kick my addiction.
2. Make friends and hang out with them!
It is unhealthy to stay at home by yourself all the time. It is unhealthy for you, and unhealthy for your marriage. On days when I haven't had any human interaction my poor husband comes home from work, exhausted, only to meet a depressed and chatty wife. I can tell that it's unhealthy for me to depend solely upon him for all my social needs. There isn't enough time at the end of the day to start with. Also, women need friends! We need people to interact with and talk with and hang out with. On days when I make an effort to do things with other people I am so much happier. I would love to get involved in park groups, and mommy-and-me classes too.
3. Find a way to earn some extra income on the side.
This is something I am trying to do right now. I am hoping to find some kind of contract-writing work that will help me to keep growing and developing as a writer, as well as earn a little extra cash on the side. The problem with staying home is that we now have half the income, and all the hobbies I dream of pursuing cost lots of money! If I can find a way to earn some dollars, then I can use that money to fund my artistic interests.
4. Read. Real books, not just the internet.
5. Plan and make healthy meals. I've tried to incorporate the pinterest recipes I've drooled over but never actually had the time to make.
6. Take the time to get your body back into shape.
Luke and I love going on really, really long walks. It's great exercise, and it helps to pass the day. It's good for Luke to learn how to be happy outside in his stroller too. My body isn't bouncing back postpartum as I wish it would (or as the people I facebook stalk), so any opportunity to get active is great. It also helps to lift the spirits and clear the mind. I am so much happier when I take time to get movin.
7. Get out!
I have found I need to get out of the house at least once a day. Whether that is meeting up with friends at a park, or just browsing the aisles at Target, it doesn't matter. Just getting out is what's important.
8. TBD.
Honestly, I am still trying to navigate this new life. Part what makes it challenging for me it is the dramatic change from working full time to not working at all. Part of it is the dramatic change my body has undergone. Part of it is probably a little postpartum depression/anxiety I am dealing with. This list is how I am learning to be the best me that I can be.
Friday, November 20, 2015
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Expectation vs. Reality
Much has transpired since my last post, I dare say. I have gotten a job, taught 6th graders for a few months, visited Idaho, and visited Utah. Perhaps the biggest news of all however...to those who might not know yet, is that I am pregnant! 17.5 weeks today. The purpose of this post however, is not to be an announcement, but to be a reflection because wow. pregnancy is way different than I had ever dreamed it would be.
Expectation vs. Reality
For as long as I can remember, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I have always answered, "a mom." Sure there has always been a career goal in there somewhere, but it was always more of a backup. My dream life involved a scenario that allowed me to stay home and raise my kids. So when I got married, I was stoked to begin this adventure. This daydream has been fueled by the media and social media. I must congratulate and wish well my 20 something friends who are also expecting, and just say I mean no disrespect or offence. I have realized though that spending too much time on social media hasn't been good for me. (I constantly compare myself to other pregnant people.)
Anyway, let me illustrate how things have been so different from how I thought they would. I promise I won't go into gross details or anything.
Expectation #1: In my head I pictured that we get pregnant right away. Isn't it true that people who wait to have kids are not following the prophets? (jk)
Reality: We decided it would be best to wait a year. No matter how baby hunger I was, after thought and prayer and discussion this is the conclusion we always came to. It turns out it really is just between you, your spouse and God.
Expectation #2: I would be totally healthy besides the crazy cravings I would of course get, but of course I would only eat the recommended 300 extra calories a day. I would continue to exercise every day, religiously, for both the during and after pregnancy benefits it would offer.
Reality: When I first got to CA I was pretty good at establishing a regular exercise routine. It was going great! That is, until I got a full-time teaching job...at that point in time my routine came to an abrupt stop. Since then, I have experienced a lot of symptoms that, coupled with a full-time teaching job, have rendered me as useful as a sack of potatoes after work each day. Needless to say, exercise has escaped me (unless you count pacing between the rows of desks in my classroom). As far as the eating goes, I had no idea how little control I would have over my appetite/aversions. This sounds silly, but basically for a while there NOTHING sounded good to eat except Egg McMuffin sandwiches from McDonalds. Or, chicken nuggets. Instead of starving myself and my baby, I ate. And the fact is, that I don't eat a little bit every so often I feel like it may be the end of the world. So I probably eat over the amount I should. My body has taken over my will power. My goals have changed from being perfect to surviving and finding enjoyment in my days.
Expectation #3: I would get an adorable baby bump. The only place that would get bigger would be the front of my stomach, of course.
Reality: Well, let's just say weight gain is no respecter of places. I do hope I will one day meet my waist again. If not, it will be worth the sacrifice.
Expectation #4: I would instantly feel a bond with this fetus inside of me. Each milestone will bring me to tears.
Reality: It was pretty cool when we heard the heartbeat for the first time, but it didn't really spring any emotions other than relief. I don't even really feel like there is really a baby inside of me at this point. It doesn't feel real. This is the reality that is spurred by too much social media. I compare myself to other future moms and think negative things like, "why don't I love my future baby as much as this girl seems to?" etc. The reality is, I am a different person who expresses myself differently (mainly in private, not public forums).
Expectation #5: Pregnancy will be a joyful, relaxing experience.
Reality: I am kind of paranoid something will go wrong. Every symptom causes me alarm until I find some sketchy forum online somewhere that eases my fears. I have found way too many articles about miscarriages etc. online/I know too many people who have gone through this trial. Thankfully I know that everything will be ok no matter what happens. That this is God's baby, and whatever happens will be the best. I have many people to look to for their stalwart examples.
Expectation #6: In a few months I will have a baby, and I will love the baby more than anyone, except Andrew (because everyone knows you are supposed to put your spouse first.) Giving birth will be effortless and go without any complications. I will bring the baby home and live happily ever after!
Reality: I am not ready to debunk the myths that are in these expectations just yet. :)
 |
| This is my first timid "bump" picture taken at 17 weeks. Perhaps you may think there is nothing to see here, but let assure you, there is a little something. |
For as long as I can remember, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I have always answered, "a mom." Sure there has always been a career goal in there somewhere, but it was always more of a backup. My dream life involved a scenario that allowed me to stay home and raise my kids. So when I got married, I was stoked to begin this adventure. This daydream has been fueled by the media and social media. I must congratulate and wish well my 20 something friends who are also expecting, and just say I mean no disrespect or offence. I have realized though that spending too much time on social media hasn't been good for me. (I constantly compare myself to other pregnant people.)
Anyway, let me illustrate how things have been so different from how I thought they would. I promise I won't go into gross details or anything.
Expectation #1: In my head I pictured that we get pregnant right away. Isn't it true that people who wait to have kids are not following the prophets? (jk)
Reality: We decided it would be best to wait a year. No matter how baby hunger I was, after thought and prayer and discussion this is the conclusion we always came to. It turns out it really is just between you, your spouse and God.
Expectation #2: I would be totally healthy besides the crazy cravings I would of course get, but of course I would only eat the recommended 300 extra calories a day. I would continue to exercise every day, religiously, for both the during and after pregnancy benefits it would offer.
Reality: When I first got to CA I was pretty good at establishing a regular exercise routine. It was going great! That is, until I got a full-time teaching job...at that point in time my routine came to an abrupt stop. Since then, I have experienced a lot of symptoms that, coupled with a full-time teaching job, have rendered me as useful as a sack of potatoes after work each day. Needless to say, exercise has escaped me (unless you count pacing between the rows of desks in my classroom). As far as the eating goes, I had no idea how little control I would have over my appetite/aversions. This sounds silly, but basically for a while there NOTHING sounded good to eat except Egg McMuffin sandwiches from McDonalds. Or, chicken nuggets. Instead of starving myself and my baby, I ate. And the fact is, that I don't eat a little bit every so often I feel like it may be the end of the world. So I probably eat over the amount I should. My body has taken over my will power. My goals have changed from being perfect to surviving and finding enjoyment in my days.
Expectation #3: I would get an adorable baby bump. The only place that would get bigger would be the front of my stomach, of course.
Reality: Well, let's just say weight gain is no respecter of places. I do hope I will one day meet my waist again. If not, it will be worth the sacrifice.
Expectation #4: I would instantly feel a bond with this fetus inside of me. Each milestone will bring me to tears.
Reality: It was pretty cool when we heard the heartbeat for the first time, but it didn't really spring any emotions other than relief. I don't even really feel like there is really a baby inside of me at this point. It doesn't feel real. This is the reality that is spurred by too much social media. I compare myself to other future moms and think negative things like, "why don't I love my future baby as much as this girl seems to?" etc. The reality is, I am a different person who expresses myself differently (mainly in private, not public forums).
Expectation #5: Pregnancy will be a joyful, relaxing experience.
Reality: I am kind of paranoid something will go wrong. Every symptom causes me alarm until I find some sketchy forum online somewhere that eases my fears. I have found way too many articles about miscarriages etc. online/I know too many people who have gone through this trial. Thankfully I know that everything will be ok no matter what happens. That this is God's baby, and whatever happens will be the best. I have many people to look to for their stalwart examples.
Expectation #6: In a few months I will have a baby, and I will love the baby more than anyone, except Andrew (because everyone knows you are supposed to put your spouse first.) Giving birth will be effortless and go without any complications. I will bring the baby home and live happily ever after!
Reality: I am not ready to debunk the myths that are in these expectations just yet. :)
 |
| The one time I "hiked" for about 1/4 mile and was terribly sore the next day. |
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