Expectation vs. Reality

Much has transpired since my last post, I dare say. I have gotten a job, taught 6th graders for a few months, visited Idaho, and visited Utah. Perhaps the biggest news of all however...to those who might not know yet, is that I am pregnant! 17.5 weeks today. The purpose of this post however, is not to be an announcement, but to be a reflection because wow. pregnancy is way different than I had ever dreamed it would be.

This is my first timid "bump" picture taken at 17 weeks.
Perhaps you may think there is nothing to see here, but let
assure you, there is a little something. 

Expectation vs. Reality
For as long as I can remember, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I have always answered, "a mom." Sure there has always been a career goal in there somewhere, but it was always more of a backup. My dream life involved a scenario that allowed me to stay home and raise my kids. So when I got married, I was stoked to begin this adventure. This daydream has been fueled by the media and social media. I must congratulate and wish well my 20 something friends who are also expecting, and just say I mean no disrespect or offence. I have realized though that spending too much time on social media hasn't been good for me. (I constantly compare myself to other pregnant people.)

Anyway, let me illustrate how things have been so different from how I thought they would. I promise I won't go into gross details or anything.

Expectation #1: In my head I pictured that we get pregnant right away. Isn't it true that people who wait to have kids are not following the prophets? (jk)

Reality: We decided it would be best to wait a year. No matter how baby hunger I was, after thought and prayer and discussion this is the conclusion we always came to. It turns out it really is just between you, your spouse and God.

Expectation #2: I would be totally healthy besides the crazy cravings I would of course get, but of course I would only eat the recommended 300 extra calories a day. I would continue to exercise every day, religiously, for both the during and after pregnancy benefits it would offer.

Reality: When I first got to CA I was pretty good at establishing a regular exercise routine. It was going great! That is, until I got a full-time teaching job...at that point in time my routine came to an abrupt stop. Since then, I have experienced a lot of symptoms that, coupled with a full-time teaching job, have rendered me as useful as a sack of potatoes after work each day. Needless to say, exercise has escaped me (unless you count pacing between the rows of desks in my classroom). As far as the eating goes, I had no idea how little control I would have over my appetite/aversions. This sounds silly, but basically for a while there NOTHING sounded good to eat except Egg McMuffin sandwiches from McDonalds. Or, chicken nuggets. Instead of starving myself and my baby, I ate. And the fact is, that I don't eat a little bit every so often I feel like it may be the end of the world. So I probably eat over the amount I should. My body has taken over my will power. My goals have changed from being perfect to surviving and finding enjoyment in my days.


Expectation #3: I would get an adorable baby bump. The only place that would get bigger would be the front of my stomach, of course.

Reality: Well, let's just say weight gain is no respecter of places. I do hope I will one day meet my waist again. If not, it will be worth the sacrifice.

Expectation #4: I would instantly feel a bond with this fetus inside of me. Each milestone will bring me to tears.

Reality: It was pretty cool when we heard the heartbeat for the first time, but it didn't really spring any emotions other than relief. I don't even really feel like there is really a baby inside of me at this point. It doesn't feel real. This is the reality that is spurred by too much social media. I compare myself to other future moms and think negative things like, "why don't I love my future baby as much as this girl seems to?" etc. The reality is, I am a different person who expresses myself differently (mainly in private, not public forums).

Expectation #5: Pregnancy will be a joyful, relaxing experience.

Reality: I am kind of paranoid something will go wrong. Every symptom causes me alarm until I find some sketchy forum online somewhere that eases my fears. I have found way too many articles about miscarriages etc. online/I know too many people who have gone through this trial. Thankfully I know that everything will be ok no matter what happens. That this is God's baby, and whatever happens will be the best. I have many people to look to for their stalwart examples.


Expectation #6: In a few months I will have a baby, and I will love the baby more than anyone, except Andrew (because everyone knows you are supposed to put your spouse first.) Giving birth will be effortless and go without any complications. I will bring the baby home and live happily ever after!

Reality: I am not ready to debunk the myths that are in these expectations just yet. :)

The one time I "hiked" for about 1/4 mile and was terribly sore the next day.