Self-Psychotherapy Sessions

In class we had a writing prompt yesterday which encouraged us to record the methods we use to self-help, or unwind when we've been wound too tight. I really enjoyed writing these things down, so I figured I would repeat the prompt here. So without further ado, here are a few of my favorite things.

• A long, steamy shower. Usually when I'm home alone, so there won't be any roommates opening and closing my door letting cold drafts interrupt me. Take the time in getting ready doing those things I love but don't really have the time for every day. Shave my legs. Exfoliate. Take care of unsightly cuticles and stray eye brows. I just love to do everything as slowly and as painstakingly as I want.
• A new coat of nail polish on that wont chip within the first day.
• A lemon-fresh scented house, the spring sun pouring in through the open windows along with a fresh breeze, after I've taken the time to deep clean with high quality cleaners. I think that I may be the only one in my apartment currently who has ever invested in cleaning products, which is fine by me. I love the feeling of clean and germ free. 
• Spending quality time with the people I love. Whether this is in person, or on the phone, I love the luxury of talking with my loved ones about more than just the comings and goings of the day. This is especially true about the mom talks I get. Nothing beats a good talk with your mom.
• Lay out in the grass, and absorb as much vitamin D as is possible and safe. I love the sun. 
• Take the time to write in my journal, or some other creative space. The fastest path to peace for me is to make a list of things I am grateful for, or to try to recollect the ways that I've seen the hand of God in my life throughout the day.
• Go to a bookstore just for the thrill of being surrounded by so much potential. I love just browsing the isles, skimming titles and cover art for the sheer enjoyment of what I could read, and what I could learn, if I wanted to.
• Go to an art gallery by myself. It doesn't matter for how long. Usually I like to have a small notebook with me so that I can jot things down that float through my mind.
• A long run where I forget where I'm going, and eventually get lost and forget that I went on a run in the first place. I will never be a competitive runner because I get distracted by how beautiful it is outside, and I often just savor the time alone where I can walk and enjoy the fresh cut grass smell and the summer morning sun. My favorite runs are those that turn into even longer nature walks where I can just pour out everything I have been thinking and feeling to God, and listen for his response.
• Real opportunities to help other people, especially those who won't, or can't, ask for it themselves. I'm ever grateful for the opportunities I get to be in the right places at the right times to offer meaningful service to the people around me. 
• Listen to good music, loudly. Usually this means semi-obscure indie music that most people haven't heard of.

Sleep

Going along with the theme of yesterday's post, I accidentally slept most of today. I think my body was fighting off some bad bugs or something, because my sleep appetite was insatiable. Now it is only 10:46 pm and I feel like I could go to bed and sleep like a rock. I feel quite refreshed. I am grateful for sleep. Seriously. And for the impressive ability that I have to fall asleep any time, or any where. I also am cherishing these times when I am still a single entity without dependents who make sleeping a more precious commodity. I do look forward to the days when I have "dependents," but in the meantime there are many Z's to be enjoyed.

Cadbury

I accidentally bought a bag of mini Cadbury eggs today while I was picking up my prescriptions at the grocery store. Then to top it off, I accidentally opened the bag and started eating its contents within the first 10 minutes of being home. I also accidentally took the bag with me to the library in my backpack for my evening study session. I'm probably addicted. But when Easter only comes once a year, how can I resist?

My family Easter traditions are pretty special to me. What happens is the Monday following Easter, my mom gives us each $5 and sends us to Walmart to buy the discounted candy for ourselves. It's pretty magical if you ask me. Practicality always wins in the Carlisle family.

The Joys of Winco

Yesterday I had a routine Dr.'s appointment up north. On my way home I decided I should stop by at Winco, because it was on the way and is normally too far for me to justify going. I've heard magical things about Winco. My expectations were met and exceeded. It was like Disneyland grocery shopping (at least what I imagine, since I've never been to Disneyland and therefore can not really understand the joys that it offers). Everything seemed to be a dollar cheaper than it was at my usual neighborhood grocers. I made some very economical purchases that should feed me for at least the next 1.5 weeks. However, I accidentally bought a bag of over 100 chicken nuggets that I probably could have done without. And a bag of crinkle fries that just happened to be marketed right next to the nuggets... It's probably a good thing though because I think I may accidentally become a vegetarian if I don't start adding poultry (ie. chicken nuggets) into my diet again. I've noticed that the more that time passes and the older I get, the more meat I don't consume. For the past two times that I've been to restaurants (minus Cafe Rio), I've ordered the vegetarian sandwiches, just because. Anyway, thanks Winco!

Throwback Poetry Friday

Here is my contribution to poetry Thursday:

Even in this prolonged dampness

of hades’ bitter winter.

I’d trade

a future of feeling of sun warmed skin

the smell of sunscreen mixed with fresh cut grass

warm nights and star gazing

backyard barbecues

thrills of new places and faces

finding sand in my pockets

after days and nights on the beach--

if it meant one more

day

with you.

I've decided that I like making mash ups of blog trends. So today is not only poetry Friday  but it is also throwback poetry Friday. So here is a throwback poem that I wrote once.

we found the ring on Portabello

sterling silver, arms wrapped

around the amber stone, green

with tiny ribbons of gold

worn on the left hand fourth finger

as a joke.

we got lost

in pashminas and galoshes

our noses pink and running

hand in hand

escaping with the light of day

too fast.

The gap is to be minded

and later will be mended

as the cloud people

come down to play

but we brush them away

umbrellas raised to the sky

blocking all friendly advances.

we is me and a daydream,

pulling at the strings

of my heart-shaped kite

with the tail dripping down

red.

7 Quick Takes

I'm joining Dana who was joining Jen for 7 quick takes Friday, but I'm doing it on Wednesday, just because. I've kind of slipped off the writing wagon, but this is my attempt to saddle back on. I'm going to follow Dana's lead on this though--these are going to be quick quick takes.

1. I slept through my alarm today, but thankfully my dear sister Emma called me at 8:00 am just to chat, which woke me up in time to get to work on time. How is it that I went to bed at 11:00 pm, woke up at 8:00 am, and I'm still fighting back sleep here at work?

2. I am in love with Cutie Oranges. They were on sale at Macey's last week, and I've almost gone through the whole bag since. Well, I think I have. There is no telling how many of them have secretly been eaten by my roommates, which is perfectly fine by me. Who knows how many of their Cuties I've eaten in the past.

3. Today is a lamb eating a lion day. It is supposed to be almost sixty degrees outside, yet the sky is dark and scary looking. And so begins the touch and go season of spring. I am just counting on the fact that at some point during the next few months there will be snow covering the emerging tulips.

4. I finally went to the dentist. I found the dentist all by myself, made the appointment, and drove myself there. I think this is a coming of age moment for me. In the past I have hated going to the dentist. Hated hated hated. But it really wasn't too bad. We'll see how I feel after they replace a filling in a few weeks though...

5. There is less than a month of school left. This means that there is less than a month left of me taking classes and being an ordinary BYU student. I can't really even comprehend the meaning of this, but I am sure that come my last final on April 20 something, it will be a day of much rejoicing in the land.

6. Through the course of my life, am constantly being reminded of my obsession with cookies. In my mind there is no better breakfast than one that includes a cookie or two. When offered, it is nearly impossible for me to refuse a good-looking cookie, unless it is oatmeal raisin. There is no worse trick to play on the world than to bake a batch of these things. I honestly don't see the point in a cookie without chocolate or peanut butter in some form or another.

7. I'm trying to start up my running career again. I've signed up for the Provo City 1/2 Marathon, which is May 4th, and I'm signed up to run the Wasatch Back Ragnar with my family again in June. I've realized that despite my long history of whining about running, I actually do like it. Why else would I come back to it year after year? I don't think that marathon running is really something for me, but I think I can do 1/2 marathons every now and again. Running is fun. Especially in the sun. Or especially with a buddy.

My Mother

All growing up there were things I swore I'd never do that I saw my mom do on occasion: drink diet coke, cuss, and always rinse my dishes. As I've gotten older I've found it funny how I've slowly started to see more and more of my mom in me. Although it has surprised me, I have loved it, and there isn't a better lady on earth that I'd rather emulate. Both of us don't cuss much these days, I do love diet coke, and I believe strongly that dishes should always be rinsed right after you use them. 

What brought this up? We just got a new dishwasher in my apartment and for the first time we now have dishes that are actually clean when they are finished with the wash cycle. However, my roommates have always had a problem remembering to rinse their dishes. It is a little bit nasty sometimes. I just hear my mom's voice in my head when I discover these dishes. Today as I was reloading the dishes into the dishwasher, taking out the pots that surely have no chance at being cleaned without now soaking them for an extended period of time in hot, soapy water, I finally understood what the big deal was all growing up. I never understood it until now. All I can say is, Mom, I'm sorry for all the dishes I didn't rinse. I promise to do better now. 

Sunday, or Summer, Will Come!

Today was an ice cream day. Also, it was almost 70 degrees outside today, which made my heart feel so full of joy and gratitude. I think I pray a hundred more times when the weather is warm-- just because whenever I walk outside I can't help but offer up a quick prayer of gratitude for the sunshine. I went for a short run outside and loved every second of it. I feel inspired and motived to sign up for a ton of races for the summer. Today I also drove around town with the windows down and the radio blaring, just for good measure. I love that summer always follows winter.

Not to be dramatic or anything, but sometimes winter for me is like a depressing friday. Friday in this context was terrible because it was the day that Christ was crucified. But Sunday, or summer, always follows whatever terrible Friday or winter we find ourselves in. I am so grateful for this truth in my life.

It is on days like today that I can't help but to think about the talk given by Joseph B. Wirthlin in the October 2006 general conference, "Sunday Will Come." Friday in this context was terrible because it was the day that Christ was crucified, yet on Sunday, he was resurrected, and so his suffering was not in vain. I love this quote:

Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itselfseems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us inpieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we cannever be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sundaywill come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.

Not to be over dramatic or anything, but sometimes winter for me is like a depressing friday for me. Or sometimes life in general just gets to a point where it almost seems too much to handle. But Sunday, or summer, always follows whatever terrible Friday or winter we find ourselves in. I am so grateful for this truth in my life. 

Things I carry

Here is a list of what is currently in my backpack:

• wallet, the one I got from Walmart for $5 in Kirtland, Ohio this summer. 
• phone, and a little cloth to clean the screen.
• keys, with my Smith's card, library card, and gym card attached to a lanyard that says, "Got Milk?", and a dream catcher key chain that my sister brought my from Ecuador. 
• laptop- his name is Theo, and he's about 6.5 years old. He's on his last leg of life, his third battery, and he kind of moves slowly. I just brought him today in case I couldn't find a free computer to work on my paper. 
• charger- also the third charger. They seem to burn out rather quickly. 
• notebook- this is my notebook for taking notes in my teaching writing, and my teaching reading classes. It also has book orders in it, and a lot of other pretty colored hand outs. Usually my professors color coordinate assignments, which really adds spice to life.
• writer's notebook- this is for my grammar class. I decorated it with newspaper clippings. In it can be found jottings which illustrate the extent of my grammar knowledge, which isn't much to look at.
• gum- Extra Polar Ice. I like gum.
• headphones
• lotion- I took this lotion from a hotel that my family stayed at over Christmas vacation. I'm sure it was complimentary...I can't stand having dry hands or static-y hair. A trick I've learned is to put lotion on your hands, rub it in most of the way, and then rub your hands gently on your hair. This is a short term fix to a static problem. 
• post-it notes- I always hope that I'll use them, but I never do. They usually end up crumbled at the bottom of my bag.
• water bottle- ever since the kidney stone incident of September '12, I've tried to stay hydrated.
• apple- I get super hungry on campus, and need small snacks to sustain me throughout the day.
• orange- " "
• i pod shuffle- this currently has my running mix on it. Too bad I haven't been running in two weeks...
• pencils
• pens
• a spoon- just in case.
• three different books about how to teach reading and writing, including assigned readings that are due today that I may, or may not, have read.
• many article pdfs- again, some read more than others.
• my  teacher badge
• a million other papers.
• my finished portfolio for my research paper!

Managing the Paper Load

So, for my Saturday I decided the most fun thing to do would be to write my research paper that is due on Tuesday! In the past I have really struggled with writing papers--mentally it is just something I can't seem to do until the very last second possible. But I'm really trying to turn over a new leaf and actually turn in some quality writing without upsetting my ulcers with leaving it all until the last possible three hours before it is due.

That being said, I'm writing my paper about ways that teachers, especially language arts teachers, can manage the potentially overwhelming amount of papers that cross their desk for grading. I've heard horror stories about how awful it is to teach English because of the endless supply of papers to grade. I don't want this to be me:

So all you veteran teachers out there, what ways have you found to manage your paper load so that you can still love your life and love teaching? SOS!!

High School Drama Factory

A few days ago my roommate who also happens to be one of my best friends from high school brought home a notebook that we'd had during our Jr. and Sr. year. I have absolutely no recollection of writing in this notebook, but apparently we passed it between friends, treating it kind of like a shared journal. It is so funny to look back and see what drama we created for ourselves during those "sweet sixteen" years. It is also very interesting to see that although we've all changed and matured a lot since high school, our personalities are still very much the same as they were.

Here is an excerpt from one of my favorite entries from Sept 22, 2006:

"...What else can I talk about? R u guys going to the bingham game? I think it will be exciting! Oh, I haven't really told you about homecoming yet. It was great fun! We ate good food and danced the night away. We left the dance early and changed our clothes and went bowling. I GOT AN ICE CREAM CONE! What more could I ask for? I am a horrible bowler. I bowled four straight frames of gutter balls. Mr. Sorenson (the vice principle) just told me to walk to school. Ya right. I would have to wake up at four in the morning. That would be fun. So, how is my penmanship? If you guys find any cute boys that want to be my Valentine give them my phone number!...I am sorry this is so boring. But I am bored. Pity me! Pity me! jk. don't."

Here's another gem:

"Dear Notebook friends,
This notebook has not been within my hand for a long period of time! I do hope it doesn't get lost again. I will probably cry. I think that when we graduate we should make copies of the book so we can remember our time of notebookism. Well, I guess I will catch you up on my life and the inner-workings of my mind...I broke up with my 7 boyfriends last week after they found out about each other. Let's just say we were in a bit of an awkward tangle..ha. jk. That's the opposite of my life. I'm holding out for college. Where to go, where to go..."

Let's just not talk about how much I edited these excerpts for spelling...

Here is a page. Notice the all caps obsession with ice cream. Some things never change. 

Adventures from 7th Grade

I taught 7th grade again today. This was my 4th time pretending to be a teacher and I think it went alright. It is, however, one of the most awkward experiences to go into another teachers classroom and take over her lesson plans/ classroom management. It is experiences like these I'm having during my practicum that make me overjoyed that I'm skipping student teaching in favor of doing the year long internship. However, despite the slight awkwardness and mind-reading that comes along with these practicum experiences it is still great practice, and occasionally I have moments where I'm reminded of why I wanted to be a teacher. Honestly I can't pin-point anything specific that happened in today's class that would cause these kinds of feelings, but I enjoyed the feeling of being in front of the class and was excited envisioning a classroom of my own.

Today we talked about how we identify mood in literature and film. They first wrote in their writer's notebooks about a time when they knew their mom was mad, and what clues there were to let them know their mom was in a bad mood. I didn't really consider the prompt and its implications fully until I heard the students' side comments to one another about it: "She beats me." or "She sounds like the devil." Oops. I opened a can of worms that I wasn't anticipating there. However, the prompt did get them writing! Everyone seemed to have a lot to say about the topic. In the future, I think I'll choose a less loaded or less specifically loaded question that didn't have the potential to be a diss to the students' mothers. I think keeping the moms on my side as a teacher is probably a good idea, and feeding the natural adolescent tendency to take issue with their mothers isn't really necessary or wise.

Registration

I had a mini adventure today. My mom came down to Ogden for a Latinos in Action conference. She was trying to convince me to drive up to see her, which I just couldn't justify, until I had a brilliant idea. My car registration expired in October. Last week the cops caught up with me and I received a lovely yellow ticket under my windshield wiper because of my expired registration. I informed my dad of this situation, and his response was that I should just register it in Utah. I pointed out the error in this thinking--there is no way in this life or the next that my car could ever pass inspection (the odometer and the speedometer are both out of order). So I made a deal with my mom: I told her that if she would register my car and bring me new stickers to put on my license plates so I wouldn't get anymore tickets, I would come visit. Apparently she pulled some strings, because I made this bargain with her yesterday afternoon only an hour before she was due to leave Idaho for Utah on a giant bus filled with high school students. So today I skipped school and drove up to Ogden. It was a treat to get to see a lot of my cousins in addition to my madre.

To summarize and make a long story short: I now have a registered car and I got a hug from my mom and sister today! Best. Day. Ever.

Lamb or Lion

I remember in elementary school we would talk about the weather each day, especially throughout the month of March. During March we would classify each day as a "lamb" or a "lion" day, depending on the temperament of the weather. It seems that in Utah and Idaho Mother Nature uses this month to make up her mind about allowing spring to come. Some days she feels good about it, others she's just not ready to let winter go. Today was a lovely day--a lamb day in every way. I didn't even wear a jacket to school, and I didn't even regret my decision until walking home with the sun setting.

Every time that I sit down to write, I seem to end up talking about the weather in some way. I apologize for the redundancy, but apparently the weather is something I'm passionate about.

Photo Love

Photo by Zatnaktel

I stumbled upon this photo today, and fell in love.

Six Word Sunday Memoir

Imagining it's spring: still just imagining.

Happy Things

Here are some things that make me happy:

1. Quiet Sunday mornings
2. Milk chocolate chips
3. Long socks
4. My friends
5. Phone calls from my family
6. Hot showers
7. Naps
8. Clean sheets
9. Naps
10. Naps

This is the extent of my writing abilities today.

Saturday Mornings

Saturday mornings in the library are quite serene. There are only a handful of people here for-who-knows-what-at-this-hour. I wonder if they just have a lot to accomplish today and want a head start, or if they have a test that today is the last day to take, or if they just didn't have a very exciting Friday night that would cause them to want to sleep in. Or maybe they just have a good work ethic or something like that and I could learn from them...Working at the reference desk isn't bad Saturday mornings though because really, people don't come seeking more than to check out dry erase markers before 10 am.

As a young girl Saturday mornings were my absolute favorite. I would wake up early and go in to my still sleeping parents room over to my dad, shaking him slightly, asking in my almost whiny little voice, "Daddy, can I watch cartoons?" Usually the answer was yes, and I would then ask if I could also have cereal in a cup.  After receiving his blessing I'd go wake up my younger sister, who would sleepily come join me. We loved to watch our favorite shows with the luxury of dry cereal in a cup, not bowl. We felt quite special and grown up.

There is something magical about this time--when Saturday's weren't filled with work, or homework, or other obligations. The most pressing thing on our agenda was to be able to get to play with our friends at some point during the day. There was no guilt associated with using time to just sit and indulge in watching cartoons, that we weren't doing something else that was more pressing or important. It was just two little girls, awake with the sun, living completely in the moment, enthralled with the simple pleasures of life.

Slice of Life Challenge

There is a neat blog entitled: Two Writing Teachers, that was referred to me by my own writing teacher. It is a blog about teaching writing as well as continuing to develop yourself as a writer. They have a challenge to write every day during the month of March called the "Slice of Life Challenge". You don't have to write anything profound, you just have to write every day and post it on your blog. My understanding is whole idea is that if you are writing daily you'll be more observant of the little things in life that you have to write about. They explain it a lot better here, if you are interested. The moral of this story is that I've accepted the challenge, and will proceed to attempt to transcribe a small slice of my life here daily for the remainder of this month. Feel free to join me in the challenge!

It has been a long time since I have been consistent in writing. Ever since my poetry class that required me to write for an hour a day I kind of lost the drive to write, which is sad. I love the feeling of having something that I feel is significant enough to attempt to capture with words. I love the way that writing makes me look at the world through a different lens--a lens that is much more grateful and finds much more beauty in the world. I miss my writing self and my writing eyes. I know that the best way to want to write, is to write, and the best way to become a better writer, is to write. Knowing these things I'm going to make the assumption that the best way to learn to teach students to love writing, is to love writing yourself. Since I'll start my first year of teaching 7th grade this fall, I want to sharpen my skills and my passion as much as I can now, while I've got the time.