My Retainer

Who knows what my motivation was today, when I decided to pull out the only piece of orthodontics that I ever did have and force it into my mouth. When I was in middle school I was prompted by my dentists rude remarks regarding my not geometrically perfect smile to get some minor orthodontic work done. Upon consultation with my mom and a real orthodontist we decided that all I needed was a retainer. I got to choose the color and picture to adorn it with- and naturally I chose hot pink-glow-in-the-dark with a frog sticker on it. This epitomized who I was in middle school pretty much-bizzare in a fun loving kind of way, yet still striving for perfection. I wore it for maybe six months...I don't remember really. What I remember most is that I liked it. It was something I always envied in other kids- the shiny sliver bar across their smile was a mark of maturity in my eyes. I also remember the day that I forgot to put it back in my mouth after lunch, and I accidentally threw it away. Then I was one of the kids I always felt sorry for. Each day at lunch there was always a kid who was digging through all the bags of pizza crusts mixed with fry sauce, mixed with warm milk that was way too close to its expiration date. Sometimes those kids would have friends helping them. I don't remember if anyone helped me look through the ominous mountain of black garbage sacks, but I think they must have because I found it- and put it back in my mouth today.

Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful

Emma is my inspiration- for many reasons actually. She is perfectly happy with where she is, and what she is doing, in the moment rather than wishing life away. She also inspires me to be my own kind of beautiful as evidenced in the following pictures. I love you Em!

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

I think I may have discovered a secret of life today- a way to change perspectives to be more happy. I've been staring into a mirror while trying to "reach out" to people. This is, in fact, impossible. If you are staring into a mirror, all you are really focusing on is yourself. And your perspective is flipped besides. It is like trying to curl the back of your hair while looking at two mirrors, trying to figure out which hand is which. Mirrors are helpful at times, but the really skew your perception. So it is with helping others. If you are only looking at yourself in a mirror, trying to see if you look good, or trying to hold on to your image of yourself, all you can do is graze the surface of others with your fingertips, and you get worn out in the process. When you are staring into a mirror it is terrifying to move forward, because all you can see is yourself. It is like moving blindly forward not in faith, but in darkness. If you set down the mirror your vision is cleared, and you can fully dedicate yourself to reaching others. Your perception is whole, and you can embrace people with both arms. At first, it may be frightening to stop looking into the mirror because you loose the sense of  security that may come from seeing what you look like, or in trying to figure out how others see you. It may feel like you are moving blindly forward. But it is only in letting go of the mirror, letting go of having to have control over your appearance and how people perceive you, that you find freedom and the ability to choose happiness. Only then can you genuinely reach out to people. Letting go is an act of humility. It signifies to the Lord, that you trust him with yourself. You trust that you are enough.

En mis sueños

This is a paper I wrote for Spanish class. ;) 

Yo siempre tengo  pesadillas. Anoche, mi sueño fue muy confuso. Primero, yo estaba bailando cuando chalecos verdes me atacaron con cucharas. Me caí en un largo plato de helado. Las cucharas me alimentaron el helado muy delicioso. Era chocolate con almonds. Yo continuaba a comer y comer y comer, hasta mi estómago era como un globo muy grande, y mi piel era cafe como chocolate. Algunos hombres pequeños llegaron y me trajeron a Londres. Aquí había más chocolate, pero dulce de chocolate. Una vez más, yo comí y comí y comí y comí dos millones dulces. Me gustaron. De repente me desperté. El chocolate me hizo tener sed. Bebí un poco de leche templado para calmar mis nervios y fuí a mi cama otra vez. Me dormí.

Esta vez mi sueño fue muy extraño. Viajé a Disneyland en un unicornio volador. En el aire,  ví Voldemort con Barney el dinosaurio. Evidentemente, ellos eran amigos.  Yo agarré mi varita y intenté echar una maldición a ellos. Pero, me caí en una taza de té. Luego, encontré a mi padre y fuimos a la tienda de helado.

¿Qué significan mis sueños extraños sobre mi vida?    Yo no entiendo. ¿Y Cuántas calorías comí en mis sueños?  Yo quiero entender porque,  entonces conoceré la verdad sobre mi amor por helado (¿o por una cosa diferente?). Quizá leeré un libro de Sigmund Frued. Tal vez eso significa que yo voy a encontrar mi amante cierto en un largo plato de helado. O, tal vez yo voy a dejarme crecer un bigote si yo no dejo de comer helado y chocolates. Voy a consultar con un especialista de sueños para aprender más. ¿Por qué personas tienen sueños buenos, o sueños malos? Sé sólo una cosa- quiero ir a Disneyland en la vida real.

Here is the Google Translation- which is more or less, or very less accurate. 

I always I have nightmares. Last night, my dream was very confusing. First, I was dancing when I was attacked green vests with spoons. I fell into a long dish of ice cream. The spoon fed me ice cream so delicious. It was chocolate with almonds. I continued to eat and eat and eat until my stomach was like a big balloon, and my skin was brown as chocolate. Some young men came and brought me to London. Here there was more chocolate, but chocolate candy. Once again, I ate and ate and ate and ate two million sweets. I liked. I suddenly woke up. The chocolate made me thirsty. I drank some warm milk to calm my nerves and I went to my bed again. I fell asleep.

 This time my dream was strange. I went to Disneyland on a flying unicorn. In the air, I saw Voldemort with Barney the dinosaur. Evidently, they were friends. I grabbed my wand and tried to put a curse on them. But I fell into a cup of tea. Then I found my father and went to the ice cream shop.

What do my weird dreams about my life? I do not understand. How many calories I ate in my dreams? I want to understand why, then I shall know the truth about my love for ice cream (or for something different?). Maybe read a book by Sigmund Frued. Maybe that means I'm going to find my true lover in a long bowl of ice cream. Or, maybe I'll grow my mustache if I stopped eating ice cream and chocolates. I'm going to see a sleep specialist to learn more. Why do people have good dreams or bad dreams? I know only one thing-I want to go to Disneyland in real life.

A Legacy of Faith

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my heritage, specifically the women I am descended from. I don't have to look far to see beautiful exemplars of what it means to be charitable, loving, forgiving, hardworking, faithful, and selfless. These women truly are disciples of Christ, always looking for ways that they can help those around them. To me, they beautifully illustrate, and have illustrated this scripture throughout their lives:

For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. -Matthew 25: 35-40

Mary Simpson Nelson

Thora Kofoed Nelson

Mary Nelson Atkin

Laura Lee Atkin Carlisle

Mary Christine Carlisle

 I'm grateful to have such examples on both sides of my family, and for all their love, support, and charity. I wanna be as cool as these ladies when I grow up!

Goodbye 2010

I can confidently say that 2010 has been one of the best years of my 21 years of mortal existence. I would list the top 2,010 things that made my year great, but that would be a little too wordy I'm afraid. So here's just a few highlights from my bomb.com year.

• I went to London, and lived there for 4 months. My dreams were fulfilled there. 
• I went to Ireland.
• I went to Paris.
• I got to live with my Aunt Maggie and Uncle Keith and Erin and Ryan and Jack this summer.
• I sold my car.
• I got my dream job at the library.
• I have incredible roommates.
• I picked a minor. 
• I went to Yoga class.
• I discovered google docs.
• I read a lot of good books.
• Brittany came home from her mission.
• I chose a minor. 
• I went to Florida for the first time.
• I got to visit my grandparents more than ever before.
• I didn't have any cavities.
• I wrote my first sonnet. 
• I ate 30 lbs of European chocolate.
• I made 28 new friends.
• I received my first George Foreman grill. 
• My parents still saved a room for me at their house.
• They came out with a new design for the penny backs.
• I became the legal drinking age.
• Toy Story 3, and Harry Potter 7 came out. 
• Santa came to my house, just like he used to.
• I went to my first real live art museum. 
• I survived taking three literature classes at one time!

I'm excited for 2011, but I have a feeling this past year will be hard to top. I'm coming up with some wicked awesome New Year's resolutions to aide 2011 to become the very best it can.